486: The average IQ needed to understand a PC.



State-of-the-art: Any computer you can't afford.



Obsolete: Any computer you own.



Microsecond: The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete.



G3: Apple's new Macs that make you say 'Gee, three times faster than the computer I bought for the same price a Microsecond ago.'



Syntax Error: Walking into a computer store and saying, "Hi, I want to buy a computer and money is no object."



Hard Drive: The sales technique employed by computer salesmen, esp. after a Syntax Error.



GUI: What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on it. (pronounced 'gooey')



Keyboard: The standard way to generate computer errors.



Mouse: An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.



Floppy: The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer.



Portable Computer: A device invented to force businessmen to work at home, on vacation, and on business trips.



Disk Crash: A typical computer response to any critical deadline.



Power User: Anyone who can format a disk from DOS.



System Update: A quick method of trashing ALL of your software.