The same pair of boots have been in your family for five generations and they're only twenty years old.

You think the Franklin Mint is a breath freshener.

You think doctorin' involves mamma's sewing kit and a jug.

The strongest smell in your house is butane.

Your dog passes gas and you claim it.

You think paprika is a Third World country.

None of your shirts cover your stomach.

Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath."

Your home has more miles on it than your car.

You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.

You think the stock market has a fence around it.

Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight Drive-in Theater.

You own a homemade fur coat.

The Salvation Army declines your mattress.

You have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial.

Your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos".

You think a chain saw is a musical instrument.

You've ever given rat traps as gifts.

You keep a can of RAID on the kitchen table.

Your mother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.

The taillight covers of your car are made of red tape.

You think a turtleneck is key ingredient for soup.

Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.