1. "Text is useless. I use it to kill roaches in my room." 2. "He teaches like Speedy Gonzalez on a caffeine high....

1. Enter the stall. Shower for about 3 minutes, then scream really loudly, exclaiming, "I didn't know I had one of THOS...

1. In high school, you do homework. In college, you study. 2. No food is allowed in the hall in high school. In c...

1. Wear a hood with one eyehole. Periodically make strange gurgling noises. 2. After turning on the overhead projec...

31. Inform your English class that they need to know FORTRAN and code all their essays. Deliver a lecture on output for...

1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say, "oh geez, better get cracking," and do some g...

1. Smoke a pipe and respond to each point the professor makes by waving it and saying, "Quite right, old bean!" 2....

1. How many Princeton students does it take to change a lightbulb? Two -- one to mix the martinis and one to call the e...

1. Agnus Dei was a woman composer famous for her church music. 2. Refrain means don't do it. A refrain in music is ...

1. Computer Science: Write a fifth-generation computer language. Using this language, write a computer program to finis...

1. What does a sorority girl put behind her ears to make her more attractive? Her ankles. 2. What is the differ...

1. "Ladies and Gentlemen, please rise for the singing of our National Anthem..." 2. Charge 25 cents a cup for coffe...

1. He only had one major publication. 2. It was in Hebrew. 3. It had no references. 4. It wasn't publishe...

1. Your salary is less than your tuition. 2. Your potted plants stay alive. 3. Shacking in twin-sized beds see...

1. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him. 2. Please excuse Lisa for ...

A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus s...

10. It doesn't snow in Hell. 9. Everyone has heard of Hell. 8. It's more fun getting into Hell. 7. You can't fa...

A teacher was doing a study testing the senses of first graders, using a bowl of Lifesavers. The children began to...

What do you say when you get into trouble for not doing you homework? You cant tell me off for something I didn't do!...

One day a professor was giving a big test to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to ...