Funny Jokes - Redneck Jokes
Redneck Jokes
Redneck Jokes joke #10991
If your trailer has more miles than your truck.
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Redneck Jokes joke #10992
Things Never Said By a Redneck...
1. Oh I just couldn't. Hell, she's only sixteen.
2. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
3. Duct tape won't fix that.
4. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael.
5. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
6. We don't keep firearms in this house.
7. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
8. You can't feed that to the dog.
9. I thought Graceland was tacky.
10. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
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Redneck Jokes joke #10993
1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
2. You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.
3. Your property has been mistaken for a recycling center.
4. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
5. You burn your yard rather than mow it.
6. You think the Nutcracker is something you do off the high dive.
7. The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
8. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.
9. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
10. You come back from the dump with more than you took.
11. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
12. Your grandmother has "Ammo" on her Christmas list.
13. You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
14. You've bathed with flea and tick soap.
15. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
16. You have used a rag for a gas cap.
17. Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does.
18. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
19. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.
20. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
21. You have a complete set of salad bowls, and they all say Cool Whip on the side.
22. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
23. You think a quarter horse is that ride in front of K-Mart.
24. Your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home.
25. You've used a toilet brush as a back scratcher.
26. You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.
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Redneck Jokes joke #10994
1. The monitor is up on blocks.
2. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.
3. The six front keys have rotted out.
4. The extra RAM slots have Dodge Truck parts stored in them.
5. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.
6. The password is BUBBA.
7. There's a gun rack mounted on the CPU.
8. There's a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.
9. The keyboard is camouflaged.
10. The Mouse is referred to as a 'Critter'
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Redneck Jokes joke #10995
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Redneck Jokes joke #10996
Two rednecks decided they weren't going anywhere in life, and thought they should go to college to get ahead.
The first redneck went in to see the counselor, who told him to take Math, History, and Logic.
"What's Logic?" the first redneck asked. The professor answered by saying, "Let me give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?" "I sure do." said the first redneck.
"Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replied the professor.
"That's real good!" said the redneck.
The professor continued, "Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also own a house."
Impressed, the redneck said, "Amazin!"
"And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife," continued the professor.
"That's Betty Mae! This is incredible!" The redneck is obviously catching on.
"Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual," said the professor.
"You're absolutely right!" exclaimed the redneck. Why that's the most fascinatin' thing I ever heard! I cain't wait to take that logic class!!"
The redneck, proud of the new world opening up to him, walked back into the hallway, where his friend was still waiting.
"So what classes are ya takin'?" asked the friend.
"Math, History, and Logic!" replied the first redneck.
"What in tarnation is logic???" asked his friend.
"Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weed eater?" asked the first redneck.
"No," his friend replied.
"You're QUEER, ain't ya?"
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Redneck Jokes joke #10997
There were 2 rednecks that lived on opposite sides of the river. One was named Clearance and the other Billy.
They would always threaten to beat the crap out of each other, but said they couldn't because the river was keeping them from getting to each other.
They swore that if there was ever a bridge made that they would go across and fight.
Well a few years went by and they began to build a bridge. When it was done, Billy's wife told him to go fight Clearance since there was a bridge now. So he decided to head that way.
In the middle of the bridge, there was a sign that said "Clearance 11ft 3in.
All of a sudden Billy's wife heard a banging on the door. There was her husband, out of breath.
She asked "Well did you fight him?"
He said "No."
"Well why not?" she asked.
"Because Clearance didn't look eleven feet three inches from across the river."
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Redneck Jokes joke #10998
Two Indians and a Redneck were walking in the woods, all of a sudden one of the Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave."
Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" he called into the cave and then he listened very closely until he heard a answering, "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!"
He tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.
The Redneck was puzzled and asked the other Indian what that was all about, was the other Indian crazy or what?
"No," said the Indian.
"It is our custom during mating season when Indian men see cave, they holler 'Wooooo Wooooo! Wooooo!' into the opening. If they get an answer back, it means there is a girl in there waiting to mate."
Just then they saw another cave.
The Indian ran up to the opening of the cave stopped, and hollered, "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!"
Immediately, there was an answering "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" from deep inside the cave. He tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.
The Redneck wandered around in the woods alone for a while, and then he came upon a great big cave. As he looked in amazement at the size of the huge opening, he was thinking, "Hoo, man! Look at the size of this cave!
It is bigger than those the Indians found. There must be some really big, fine women in this cave!"
He stood in front of the opening and hollered with all his might "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" He grinned and closed his eyes in anticipation and then he heard the answering call, "WOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOO!"
With a gleam in his eyes and a smile on his face, he raced into the cave, tearing off his clothes as he ran.
The following day, the headline of the Local Newspaper read.."
NAKED REDNECK RUN OVER BY FREIGHT TRAIN!
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