Funny Jokes - Political Jokes
Political Jokes
Priceless
Starting monthly salary for US Marine...$984.60
One Bradley Fighting Vehicle...$3.16 million
Humanitarian aid for Iraq...$20 billion
Kickin' back with the boys in Saddam's Palace...priceless
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Bill clinton, a limo driver, and a pig
One day, Bill Clinton decided to go for a ride in his limo. He was tired of the city, so he told his limo driver to take him to the country.
They drove around for hours, and it soon became late. The driver was geting rather tired and found it difficult to keep his eyes open.
Suddenly, the limo hit a huge bump and and the two men heard a terrible scream.
The limo driver stopped the car immediatly to see what had happened. Bill Clinton soon got out of the car also, to investigate.
"What happened?!" asked Bill.
"I ran over a pig," replied his driver.
Bill Clinton looked horrified.
"Well go over to that farmhouse and tell them what you did. That pig could have been their's."
So the driver walked over to the farmhouse and knocked on the door.
Bill Clinton waited in the limo for nearly 2 and a half hours.
Finally, the limo driver came back and got back into the car. Bill Clinton, infuriated that his driver had left him alone for so long, demanded to know where he had been.
"Do you know how long you've been gone?! What happened up there?" he asked.
The limo driver, happily confused, replied, "Those people up there threw me a huge party."
Bill Clinton, confused himself, asked, "What? Why?"
The limo driver started up his car and answered, "I told them I was driving Bill Clinton around, and I ran over the pig."
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Weapons of mass destruction
A reporter heard Bush and one of his underlings talking in the hallway:
"Mr President, how do we know for sure Iraq has weapons of mass destruction?"
Pres says: "You think we're stupid boy??? We made copies of all the receipts!!"
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Osama bin laden joke
Why did Osama Bin Laden kill
wife number 37?
Because he looked up her dress
and saw bush...
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Chief wants beer!
An American-Indian walks into a saloon with a shotgun in one hand and a 10-litre bucket of manure in the other.
The Indian says to the bartender,
"Me want Lager!"
The bartender says, "Sure, Chief, coming right up."
He then serves the Indian a
tall glass of Tennents Lager.
The Indian drinks it down in one gulp, picks up the bucket, throws the manure into the air and blasts it with the shotgun. He then walks out.
Five days later, the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand and another bucket of manure in the other.
He struts up to the bar and tells the bartender, "Me want beer!"
The bartender says, "Whoa there Chief, we're still cleaning up from the last time you were here... What was that all
about, anyway?" he asked.
The Indian explained, "Me training for job as government employee. Drink beer, shoot the shit, disappear for a few days, then
come back and see if somebody else has cleaned up the mess me left behind....."
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Lying politicians
A busload of politicians were driving down a country road when, all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road, and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field.
The old farmer, after seeing what had happened, went over to investigate.
He then proceeded to dig a hole to bury the politicians.
A few days later the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus, and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone.
The old farmer said he had buried them.
The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Were they all dead?"
The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie."
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New ruling
The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene in Washington DC this Christmas
season.
This isn't for any religious reason, they simply have not been able to find three wise men and a virgin in the Nation's capitol.
There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable.
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140 million iraqis and 1 blonde
President Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar.
A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell sitting over there?"
The barman says, "Yep, that's them."
So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"
Bush says, "We're planning WW III ".
And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"
Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis this time and one blonde with big tits."
The guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big tits?"
"Why kill a blonde with big tits?"
Bush turns to Powell and says,
"See, I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"
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