Funny Jokes - Old Age
Old Age
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Retirement Jokes
Of course, some people never retire...Old golfers never retire, they just lose their drive.
Old lumberjacks never retire, they just pine away.
Accountants don't retire, they just lose their balance.
And bank managers don't retire, they just lose interest.
But what about vehicle mechanics? They re-tire every day!
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Perks of being over 50
If you are not over 50, this is what you have to look forward to.1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run--anywhere.
4. People call at 9 pm and ask, " Did I wake you ???? "
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won't wear out.
8. You can eat dinner at 4 pm.
9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as challenge.
12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
13. You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your eyes won't get much worse.
15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
18 Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
19. You can't remember who sent you this list
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Keep the old motor running
The marriage of an 80 year old man and a 20 year-old woman was the talk of the town. After being married a year, the couple went to the hospital for the birth of their first child.The attending nurse came out of the delivery room to congratulate the old gentleman and said, "This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?"
The old man grinned and said, "You got to keep the old motor running."
The following year, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their second child. The same nurse was attending this delivery...and again went out to congratulate the old gentleman.
She said, "Sir, you are something else. How do you do it?"
The old man grinned and said, "You gotta keep the old motor running."
A year later, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their third child. The same nurse was there for this birth...and after the delivery, she approached the old
gentleman, smiling, and said, "Well, you surely are something else. How do you do it?"
The old man replied, "It's like I've told you before, you gotta keep the old motor running."
The nurse, still smiling, said to the old gentleman, "Well, I guess it's time to change the oil. This one's black."
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Grandma
What's that wrinkly thing on Grandma?Grandpa.
Joke Permalink: http://www.funny-jokes.net/viewjoke/11902.html
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How to finally go
It was a difficult subject to bring before his aged mother,but John felt that he must.
"Mom... don't you feel you need to think ahead of what will
happen in the future? Why don't we make arrangements about
when... you know, when you pass on?"
John's mother didn't say anything, just sat there staring
ahead.
"I mean, Mom, like... how do you want to finally go? Do you
want to be buried? Cremated?"
There was yet another long pause. Then his mother looked up
and said, "Son, why don't you surprise me?"
Joke Permalink: http://www.funny-jokes.net/viewjoke/11910.html
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Three grandmas were sitting in the park
Three grandmas were sitting in the park one day when a man jumped out of the bushes and flashed them.The first grandma had a stroke the second one had a stroke too. But the third grandmas arm was to short to reach!
Joke Permalink: http://www.funny-jokes.net/viewjoke/11980.html
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