Funny Jokes - Gender Jokes
Gender Jokes
Women vs. dogs
Q: What's the difference between a dog barking on the front porch and a woman hollering on the back porch?
A: If you let them both inside, the dog will stop barking.
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A blind guy
One morning a blind guy was walking down the street.
As he was walking he passed by a fish market, took a whiff, and said "Good morning ladies!"
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Why
Q: why is a man's pee yellow and his sperm white?
A: so he can tell if's he's coming or going
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Losing weight
Two guys are in a bar and the guy says to his friend, "I wanna lose 10 pounds."
His friend says, "Okay give me one hundred dollars."
The guy gives him the money and leaves the bar.
A day later a hot chick is in the guy's front yard. She says, "If you can catch me, I will have sex with you."
The guy chases her around for an hour and loses 10 pounds.
The next day a guy tells the first guy's friend, "I wanna lose 20 pounds."
The friend says, "Okay give me two hundred dollars."
The second guy gives the friend the money and leaves.
The next day a hot chick is in the second guy's yard.
She says, "If you can catch me you can have sex with me."
The second guy chases her around for two hours and loses 20 pounds.
The next day a fast olympic athlete tells the guys' friend he wants to lose 30 pounds.
The guys' friend thinks and then finally says, "Okay give me three hundred dollars."
The athlete gives him the money and leaves.
The next day there's a 10 foot tall, male gorilla in his yard with a sign that says, "If I catch you, you have to have sex with me."
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Slow going
A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for all the major status figures in Rome, Italy.
The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she didn't have any snails for this dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with a bucket to gather some snails.
Very grudgingly he agreed. He took the bucket, walked out the door, down the steps, and out to the beach.
As he was collecting the snails, he noticed a beautiful woman strolling alongside the water just a little further down the beach.
He kept thinking to himself "Wouldn't it be great if she would just come down and talk to me." He went back to gathering the snails.
All of a sudden he looked up, and the beautiful woman was standing right over him.
They got to talking, and she invited him back to her place...
They were at her apartment a ways down the beach, and they started messing around. It got so hot and heavy, that he was exhausted afterwards and passed out there.
At seven o'clock the next morning he woke up and exclaimed, "Oh no!!! My wife's dinner party!!!"
He gathered all his clothes, put them on real fast, grabbed his bucket, and ran out the door.
He ran down the beach all the way to his apartment.
He ran up the stairs of his apartment. He was in such a hurry that when he got to the top of the stairs, he dropped the bucket of snails. There were snails all down the stairs.
The door opened just then, with a very angry wife standing in the doorway wondering where he's been all this time.
He looked at the snails all down the steps, then he looked at her, then back at the snails and said: "Come on guys, we're almost there!"
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Bad memory
One elderly couple is visiting another for supper. The two women go into the kitchen for a moment, leaving the men to talk.
One of the men says to the other, "The Mrs. and I went to the nicest restaurant last night."
"Is that right?" the other inquires, "What was it called?"
"That's just it," he replies "I can't recall. "Say, what's the name of that red flower that has thorns all over it?"
"A rose?" he responds.
"YEAH, THAT'S IT!" he says energetically.
He then whirls around and yells into the kitchen, "Hey, Rose! What was the name of that restaurant we went to last night!?"
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All about men...
1. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes? Both of them.
2. Why did the man cross the road?
He heard the chicken was a slut.
3. Why don't women blink during foreplay?
They don't have time.
4. Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
They don't stop and ask for directions.
5. How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer.
6. What is the difference between men and government bonds?
The bonds mature.
7. Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.
8. Why are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
9. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
They all already have boyfriends.
10. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A widow.
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Two guys and a bear
Two guys are out in the woods hiking.
All of a sudden, a bear starts chasing them. They climb a tree, but the bear starts climbing up the tree after them.
The first guy gets his sneakers out of his knapsack and starts putting them on. The second guy says, "What are you doing? He says, "I figure when the bear gets too close, we'll have to jump down and make a run for it."
The second guy says, "Are you crazy? You can't outrun a bear..."
The first guy says, "I don't have to outrun the bear. I only have to outrun you...
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