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Gender Jokes
Two women...
Two women go out one Friday night without their husbands.
As they head back home, right before dawn, both of them drunk, they felt the urge to pee.
They noticed the only place to stop was a cemetery. Scared and drunk, they stopped and decided to go there anyway.
The first one did not have anything to clean herself with, so she took off her panties and used them to clean herself and discarded them.
The second, not finding anything either, thought, "I'm not getting rid of my panties..." so she used the ribbon of a flower wreath to clean herself.
The morning after, the two husbands were talking to each other on the phone, and one says to the other:
"We have to be on the look-out, it seems that these two were up to no good last night, my wife came home without her panties."
The other one responded: "You're lucky, mine came home with a card stuck to her butt that read: "We will never forget you".
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Girls night out
The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls" I told my husband that I would be home by midnight...."I promise!"
Well, the hours passed and the champagne was going down way to easy. Around 3 a.m., drunk as a skunk, I headed for home.
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, realizing he'd probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution especially since I was smashed, in order to avoid a conflict with him.
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him 12 o'clock. He didn't seem disturbed at all. Whew! Got away with that one!
Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock."
When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, "Oh crap!", cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed another 3 times,giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then farted."
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Likable
I finally found a woman like my mom. This woman:
Acts like her! Looks like her! Smells like her!
So i took her home my father doesn't like her!?!!
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10 things men know
10 things men know about women:
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1:
2:
3:
4:
5:
6:
7:
8:
9:
10: They have tits
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Why did the woman cross the road?
Why did the women cross the road?
Well thats not the point what is she doing out of the kitchen?!!!
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Bad drivers.
Why are women such bad drivers?
Because there is no road between the bedroom and the bathroom.
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Top 10 things only women understand
10) Cats' facial expressions.
9) The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.
8) Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
7) “Fat” clothes.
6) Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
5) The difference between beige, off-white and eggshell.
4) Cutting your bangs to make them grow.
3) Eyelash curlers.
2) The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.
1) Other women.
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The devout catholic woman
Maria is a devout Catholic. She gets married and has 17 children. Then her husband dies.
She remarries two weeks later, and has 22 children by her next husband. Then he dies. A while later, she dies.
At the funeral, the priest looks skyward and says, "At last they're finally together."
A guy sitting in the front row says, "Excuse me Father, but do you mean her and her first husband, or her and her second husband?"
"I mean her legs!"
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