Funny Jokes - Drunk Jokes
Drunk Jokes
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Ride to Heaven
A preacher goes into a bar and says "Anybody who wants to go to heaven, stand up." Everybody stands up except for a drunk in the corner. The preacher says "My son, don't you want to go to heaven when you die?" The drunk says "When I die? Sure. I thought you were taking a load up now."Joke Permalink: http://www.funny-jokes.net/viewjoke/11074.html
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The Drunk Poem
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* Who the hell are you I think. * *
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* * I'm not under what you call *
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* The alcofluence of incohol. * *
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* * I'm just a little slort of sheep, *
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* I'm not drunk like thinkle peep. * *
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* * I don't know who is me yet, *
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* But the drunker I stand here the longer I get. *
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* * So just give me one more fink to drill my cup, *
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* 'Cause I got all day sober to Sunday up. * *
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Joke Permalink: http://www.funny-jokes.net/viewjoke/11461.html
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The True Alcoholic
Did you hear the one about the alcoholic who was stranded on a desert island?He found a bottle floating near the shore. When he opened it, out popped a genie; his salvation!
The genie said, "I'll grant you two wishes", to which the alcoholic replied quickly with his first wish, "I'd like a never ending bottle of whiskey." The genie immediately complies with his wishes and provides him a with never ending bottle. When asked what his second wish would be, the alcoholic replied, after careful consideration, "I'll have another never ending bottle of whiskey!"
Joke Permalink: http://www.funny-jokes.net/viewjoke/11462.html
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Little boy and the Bus Driver
A little boy says to a bus driver, "If my mum was a cow and my dad was a bull then I would be a baby cow".Then he says, "If my mum was a sheep and my dad was a sheep then I would be a baby sheep."
Then after he says more and more and the bus driver gets mad and says "Well, what would you be if your mum was a stripper and your dad was a drunk?" "Then," the little boy says, "I would be a bus driver!"
Joke Permalink: http://www.funny-jokes.net/viewjoke/11786.html
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Drunk guy at 3am
So, this guy's in bed at 3:00 a.m when he hears someone knocking on the door.He opens the door and theres a drunk guy who says "Can I have a push?" The man says "No!" and goes back to bed.
His wife says "That was mean!", so the man he goes back and opens the door asks "Are you there? Still need a push?"
He hears the drunk guy say "yea!".
He then asks "Where are you?" and the drunk guy answers by saying "I'm on your swing set!"
Joke Permalink: http://www.funny-jokes.net/viewjoke/11789.html
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