Funny Jokes - Bar Jokes
Bar Jokes
Bar Jokes joke #11089
A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer. The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings." The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer. The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings." The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar." The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings." The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer. The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs." The bear says, "I'm NOT on drugs." Te bartender says, "You are now. That was a barbitchyouate."Joke Permalink: http://www.funny-jokes.net/viewjoke/11089.html
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Bar Jokes joke #11090
Two guys were at a bar arguing with their friend who was a midget. Sudden out of nowhere, the Pope walks into the bar! "Oh my god its the pope " they all say at once "the midget says to the guys 'That's it I'm going ask him." So he walks up to the Pope and asks "Sir, are there midget nuns in America?", "No, no, no." says the Pope "Are there midget nuns in the entire world?" "No, no, no." says the Pope "Are there even such things as midget nuns?" "No, no, no." says the Pope. His friends burst out chanting, "Joe screwed a penguin, Joe screwed a penguin..."Joke Permalink: http://www.funny-jokes.net/viewjoke/11090.html
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Bar Jokes joke #11091
A man enters into a bar, and the waiter comes and asks him "What do you want to drink sir?" The customer points out to a guy laying on the floor and replies "Whatever that guy was drinking."Joke Permalink: http://www.funny-jokes.net/viewjoke/11091.html
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A Really Bad Day
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."
"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
Joke Permalink: http://www.funny-jokes.net/viewjoke/11145.html
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Bar Jokes joke #11491
Three men walked into a bar, you'd think one of them would see it!Joke Permalink: http://www.funny-jokes.net/viewjoke/11491.html
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Asking for Forks
A walking into a bar and asked for a fork. He got oneAnother man walked in for a fork. He got one.
And another man walked in and ask for a fork. He got one also.
Another man walked in and ask for a straw.
The bartender asked "why do you want a straw when everyone else wants a fork?"
The man replied "because a man vomited on the side walk and all the chunky bits are gone!"
Joke Permalink: http://www.funny-jokes.net/viewjoke/11739.html
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Twelve Fast Shots
A man went into a bar and ordered twelve shots. When the bartender gave the man the shots he started drinking them really fast.The bartender asked the man, "Why are you drinking so fast?"
The man replied, "If you had what I have you would be drinking fast too!"
The bartender asked, "What do you have?" and the man said, "75 cents!"
Joke Permalink: http://www.funny-jokes.net/viewjoke/11850.html
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String Theory
A string walks into a bar with a few friends and orders a beer. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here."The string walks away a little upset and sits down with his friends. A few minutes later he goes back to the bar and orders a beer. The bartender, looking a little exasperated, says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve strings here."
So the string goes back to his table. Then he gets an idea. He ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair. Then he walks back up to the bar and orders a beer.
The bartender squints at him and says, "Hey, aren't you a string?"
And the string says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."
Joke Permalink: http://www.funny-jokes.net/viewjoke/11913.html
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