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Adult Jokes
Roses are red, Condoms are blue...
Roses are red, Condoms are blue, The aids are spreading, so watch who you screw!Joke Permalink: http://www.funny-jokes.net/viewjoke/11940.html
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100 Dollar Penis Tattoo
Larry gets home late one night and his wife, Linda, says, 'Where in the hell have you been'?Larry replies, 'I was out getting a tattoo'.
‘A tattoo?' she frowned. 'What kind of tattoo did you get?'
I got 2 x $50 notes on my penis,' he said proudly.
'What the hell were you thinking'? she said, shaking her head in disdain.
'Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollars tattooed on his privates?'
'Well, one, I like to watch my money grow. Two, once in a while I like to play with my money. Three, I like how money feels in my hand. And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred dollars anytime you want'.
Larry is recovering in ward 23.
Joke Permalink: http://www.funny-jokes.net/viewjoke/11950.html
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Boy and Girl Couple First Time
There was a boy and a girl who had been dating for about 1 month.One day the girl told the boy assertively that she wanted to have sex with him. The boy is very surprised.
One day before their 2 month anniversary the boy goes to a pharmacy and starts looking at condoms. One of the employees walked over curiously. He told the boy everything to know about sex and helped him pick up the best condoms in stock. The employee asked him if this would be his first time and the boy replies with a shy but eager yes. The boy checks out then he leaves.
The next day the boy went to pick up the girl at her house for they're "date". Her dad answers the boy and invited the boy in while his date finished getting ready.
The father insisted that they all have dinner before the young couple left for their "date". The dad asks the boy if he would say grace. The boy obliges and puts his head down in DEEP prayer.
After 15 minutes of silence from the boy, his girl friend exclaimed that she had no idea that he was that religious. The boy keeps his head hung low and replies, "I.... I had no idea that your dad was a pharmacist......."
Joke Permalink: http://www.funny-jokes.net/viewjoke/11952.html
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What do lonely people do for fun on Halloween?
What do lonely people do for fun on Halloween?They monsterbate
Joke Permalink: http://www.funny-jokes.net/viewjoke/11955.html
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Alcohol as a substitute for women
A guy says, "I remember the first time I used alcohol as a substitute for women.""Yeah what happened?" asked his friend.
The first guy replies, "Well, er, I got my penis stuck in the neck of the bottle."
Joke Permalink: http://www.funny-jokes.net/viewjoke/11971.html
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Lucky Guy beds a luscious woman
A guy considered himself lucky to have been able to attract and bed such a luscious looking dish. He was even consideringtrying to establish a relationship instead of just a one night
stand. But he couldn't help but wonder why she wasn't already in one.
"I can't help feeling that we've met before." he said.
"Yeah, I know." sighed the girl stretching. "It happens to me
a lot. I think they call this 'deja screw'."
Joke Permalink: http://www.funny-jokes.net/viewjoke/11977.html
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A little boy was lost at a large shopping mall
A little boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached a uniformed policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!"The cop asked, "What's he like?"
The little boy replied, "Beer and women with big boobs."
Joke Permalink: http://www.funny-jokes.net/viewjoke/11978.html
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A pizza delivery man and a gynecologist
What does pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?Both can smell it but can't eat it.
Joke Permalink: http://www.funny-jokes.net/viewjoke/12017.html
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